(Note: Trudi and I wrote this post together.)
A couple years ago, Trudi and I posted a list of 25 questions that a Christian woman should ask when a man starts to express interest in her. After we published that list, we received dozens of requests to draw up a similar list for men. Since our first list took years to develop, we didn’t want to simply throw together a rushed list for guys—so we’ve taken our time preparing this list. But we think we’ve finally got a really helpful list of 25 evaluative questions Christian men can ask when interested in a woman. I (Ken) have posed the questions on this list hundreds of times to young men over the years (no exaggeration), but this is the first time I’ve pulled them all together—with lots of input from my thoughtful wife, Trudi. If you are a Christian man who desires to share your life with a Christian woman, Trudi and I hope that this list will help you think wisely about your developing interest—or when you think some gal might be developing an interest in you.
- Is she a serious Christian—committed to Christ not only in name but in actions and heart?
- Is she a peacemaker? How confrontational is she?
- Is she quick to serve others?
- How well does she interact with people from different backgrounds? Is she clique-ish?
- Does she spend too much time on social media? On her phone?
- Does she love God’s word? Does she consistently spend time reading, studying, and learning it?
- Does she seem to have a sense of entitlement?
- Are you comfortable with the amount of time she spends shopping for fun? Does she shop for stress relief?
- Is she willing to make sacrifices for the Lord and others? Is she willing to do hard things?
- Are there concrete indicators that she is willing to live a moderate monetary lifestyle (or even a simple lifestyle if necessary)?
- Do other Christian women respect her walk with the Lord?
- Does she ask good questions of you and others? Does she talk too much about herself?
- Is she flirtatious? Does she maintain appropriate boundaries with men?
- What does she believe about submission and service in marriage?
- Is she committed to a local church? Is she involved in ministry?
- Does she speak well of others when she’s not with them? Is she generally critical in spirit? Does she easily move toward gossip?
- Does she smile a lot? Does she like to laugh?
- How do you think she would (or already does) relate to your family members? What about toward the members of her own family?
- Does she quickly write off difficult people?
- Does she like children? Does she interact well with them?
- How well does she interact with older adults? Do older adults like her?
- Does she seem inappropriately enamored with romance?
- What does she think about family life—career, children, household roles?
- Have you seen her angry? How does she handle anger? Conversely, does she sometimes shut down and stop communicating for longer periods of time?
- Is she emotionally stable?
We hope, Christian man, that you find these questions helpful when weighing whether to start or continue a relationship with a Christian woman.
See also 25 Questions a Christian Woman Should Ask When a Man Starts to Express Interest
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