Happy Valentine’s Day! A few years ago, Biola’s Center for Marriage and Relationships asked Trudi and me to come up with a list of ways to love our spouse when we’re not together. Yes! It is possible to love our husband or wife—not just feel love—even when we’re apart. I’ll start by listing ten ways that a husband can love his wife when he’s not with her. Trudi will follow by listing ten ways a wife can love her husband when she’s not with him. (I especially like this second list!)
10 Ways to Love Your Wife When You’re Not With Her
by Ken Berding
- Let her know you’re thinking about her throughout the day (texts, emails, notes through social media).
- Speak well of her when talking to others.
- Turn your eyes away from temptation, and by all means stay away from pornography.
- Think loving thoughts about her; don’t dwell on negatives.
- Take responsibility for the kids so she can get some time alone. (It’s not babysitting; they’re your kids, too.)
- Leave her handwritten love notes. Even post-it notes on the bathroom mirror will be appreciated.
- Plan a surprise date.
- Buy her small gifts to remind her that you are thinking about her.
- Do something for her that she doesn’t want to do (wash the car, wash the dishes, take the dog to the vet, call the insurance company).
- Pray for her.
10 Ways to Love Your Husband When You’re Not With Him
by Trudi Berding
- Do what you can to make your home a place he wants to come home to.
- Cook him some appetizing food or a dessert he loves. It’s not without reason that our forbearers said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
- Don’t complain about him when you are with your friends (“he doesn’t fix…” “he doesn’t listen…” “he doesn’t understand…”). Remember that your heart often follows your words.
- Do something to relieve the pressures in his life. Ask how you can help him.
- Don’t be inappropriately friendly with other men.
- Plan a special date to do something that he would like to do.
- Don’t leave all the disciplining of the children for your husband to take care of when he gets home (“…just wait till your dad gets home!”).
- Save the grubby clothes for working out. It would be a shame if the only time you dress cute is when you are going out to see other people.
- Take the initiative and prepare ahead of time for a romantic night. Remember that you are the only one who can minister to your husband in this particular way.
- Pray for him.
Research* shows that couples are only together on average 150 minutes a day—only two and a half hours per day! That’s a lot of time apart. Of course, it’s good to love our husband or wife when we are together. But on this Valentines Day, let’s think about how we can continue to love our spouse, even when we are apart.
Kindle Afresh 