(Note: Trudi and I wrote this blog post together.)
We’re not relationships experts. Certainly not. But we raised four daughters and we’ve talked to a lot of college-aged women about relationships over the years. Here’s a list of 25 questions we sometimes share with Christian young women who are evaluating the possibility of a relationship with a Christian man who has shown some interest.
- Is he a committed Christian? (If not, don’t bother with questions 2-25. Just walk away.)
- Are the two of you friends already? (Not yet? Perhaps you should think about ways to get to know each other without romantically dating…)
- Do you respect him?
- Does he tend to speak well of others when he’s not with them?
- Does he willingly submit to people in authority over him? (employers, teachers, parents, church leaders)
- Does he play a lot of video games? More than you are comfortable with? How much time does he spend online?
- Have you ever seen him angry? Is this something you have noticed frequently?
- Do you look forward to hanging out with him in regular, non-romantic situations?
- Does he make you nervous? Are you able to be yourself with him?
- Is he inappropriately affectionate to girls in general?
- Is he pushy? Is he patient?
- Does he treat service people with respect? (servers in restaurants, cashiers, etc.)
- Does he demonstrate leadership in any area of life? Does he appear passive?
- Does he maintain healthy relationships with other guys?
- Do you know anything about his family, upbringing, and background? Does anything that you know about his background concern you?
- What does he think of money? Does he over-spend? Does he show evidence of entitlement regarding money and material things? Is he humble about money?
- Is he involved in a Bible-believing church? …not just attending, but actually a part of that church?
- Do you know whether he has life goals and dreams?
- How do you anticipate he would relate to your father? …to your mother? …to your siblings?
- Does he interact well with people in various age groups? In particular, how well does he interact with children and older adults?
- Is he polite to you as a female—does he show appropriate sensitivity that you are a woman?
- Is he overly sarcastic? Does he joke about inappropriate topics?
- As far as you know, is he hard-working?
- Can you imagine yourself publicly affiliated with him? Would you be proud to be with him in public? …your various friend groups?
- Does he have a good reputation with both Christians and non-Christians?
Hopefully, you’ll find these 25 questions helpful if or when a Christian(!) man shows interest in you.
Extra note: After posting this, dozens of people have asked whether we have a corresponding list for men. It took us a couple of years–we didn’t want to rush it–but we now have a corresponding list for men. See 25 Questions a Christian Man Should Ask Himself When Interested in a Christian Woman
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